every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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