Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
