I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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