I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
