just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
