Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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