I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
