Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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