see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
