do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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