He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
only you would photoshop your dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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