We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
