she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
