My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
