dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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