My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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