It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize