how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
