Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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