I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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