were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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