You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
