They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
