May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
