He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
