that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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