She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
