I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
