I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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