Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
