Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
