3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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