Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
