how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
