She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
