her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
