I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
