I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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