there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
