I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
