oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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