I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
