i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
