let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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