so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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