Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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