I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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