There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
