Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
