my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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