If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
