i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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