if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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