I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
