Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
