i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
