We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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