I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
is it fun? or sober?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
