thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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