Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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