I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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