we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
