He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
