allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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