woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She told me I should be a condom model.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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