I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
