I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
