We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
