I didn't shave. On purpose
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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