Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
